Valentine Special - John McAuley

Since I've Been Loving You

Led Zeppelin's, "Since I've Been Loving You,"-- for years I thought it was the most powerful and perfect rock and blues track ever made; until I my wife pointed out the squeaking bass-drum pedal buried deep in the audio mix. Ruined the whole song for me. In the five years we've been married Julie has really sharpened her ability to point out flaws in things I like. She cost me two- hundred- thousand dollars last month when she mocked the church I designed. She said to one of the Elder's, "..it looks like a big, fat, horizontal dick with wings instead of balls..." At first I was attracted to her vulgar humor but now she has to go. And with what I've got planned she's not taking half my money with her.


*******

Dave was in his third year of architect school when he asked me out. I figured I'd served him one too many whiskey and cokes; other than a big rack I'm kind'a plain looking. But I went out with him on Friday night and was fucking him by Sunday afternoon. What the hell, why not? I liked him and he was good looking, even if most of the shit he talked about was over my head. We broke up for a while when he skipped the summer semester. I wallowed around for a few weeks, listening to Bonnie Raitt's, "I Can't Make You Love Me" , and drinking too much. When he came back in the fall we made nice and got married on Valentine's Day the next year. First time I was ever really happy. I thought he was perfect. And he is perfect; a perfect little tight- assed prick. I'm through thinking I'm not good enough like that woman in the Bonnie Raitt song. And I'm not settling for half his stuff; the way I've got it planned out I'm going to get every damn dime.

*******

It's the first time I've ever had a husband and wife come to me seperately to do a job; it's like a miracle. Though given what I do I doubt it's any kind of divine intervention; but it's working out good for me. I'll kill one, keep screwing the other and collect on both.